Tuesday, October 30, 2007

Return of Kung fu Clown

I was meditating, and my senses became even sharper. I hear some Russian woman reporting back to SHIELD . Well looks like we have a mole. if I'm right about her identity. she's someone I want to kill.

My musings are interrupted by the sound of squeaking. I turn to see a thinner leaner Kung Fu Clown.

" How did you lose your weight that quick?" I ask.

" It was water weight." He responds.

" You drank an entire lake?"

" Never mind that ! I beat your cannon fodder ninjas I demand a spot on your team!"

I glare. " You know I could kill you for this."

" Yes you could."

We stare at each other for seconds. Finally I break the silence. " You have guts I'll give you that . OK I'll give you an assignment. We have a contract for a Superhero called The Spanker Kill him and you'll find a place in my organization. "

A few hours later, KF Clown, drags the Spanker into my tree house. Then kills the hero with a rubber chicken and a seltzer bottle. I wasn't expecting that. this guy is dangerous, and unpredictable something that could be useful.

" Welcome to the League of Assassins. Now please clean up this mess you made. " I announce.

Nemonok: In need of an entourage


Of course a good villain needs an army of underlings to undertake his or her plans. My dark lord Galactor the Evil Galactic Overlord himself has quite a sizeable legion at his bidding. Some of which don’t make it all the way to fruition of those scenarios as many are captured or killed in their service. All the reason to keep a large army, I suppose.

I myself have never employed henchmen. I did once have a secretary, though, when I was a psychiatrist. She was smart and sassy and she showed a lot of leg – usually all three of them. Were I not a disembodied brain encased in a nutrient-rich jar, I might pursue her romantically. Of course women like that are typically only interested in a man’s body and rarely his mind and though I have much of the latter, I am obviously without the former. All the better I suppose, instead of wasting my time in the pursuit of frivolous romances, I can devote it to the development of my mind.


I should get to the task at hand. I already have one henchman, so to speak. Perhaps he has the talents to get me more.

“Boris. Tell me, where would one go to find good henchmen?”

“Hmm,” he thought for a moment. “Well, there is the seedier side of town. I know there are a lot of dirty bars filled with the kind of guys we’re looking for.”

“Very good. Take me there; we shall interview the riffraff until we find suitable underlings for me.”

And with that, Boris helped me into the back of a panel van took me to one of the seedier public houses.

“Uh, boss,” Boris mumbled.


“Mebbe I should just go in there, you know ‘cuz on account of what you look like and all.”

“I understand, people are often judged by their appearance and mine can be quite alarming.”

Perhaps someday, people will understand the freedom of being without a body. No need to maintain it; no worries about weight gain, degradation of eyesight, or the flaking off of scales. With a mind unencumbered by the restraints of the physical body, it can soar to incredible heights. I mean this proverbially, of course.

“Allright, I gots three good candidates right here boss,” Boris interrupted my thoughts. Well, not really interrupted, as I can continue them while I carry on this simple conversation with him. Another benefit of being all brain – endlessly efficient multitasking. “They even brought their résumés in case they were gonna get hired.”

“Splendid. Show me the first.”

“This is Iron Butterfly,” Boris showed me his dossier as the large man stepped forward. “He’s your basic strong-arm type. I’ve worked with him before. He’s good.”

“Indeed? Tell me Iron Butterfly, with so many options for weapons potentially available to you, why the wooden club?”

“It works,” he answered with a shrug. “It has a simple elegance that I totally dig.”

“Interesting. Tell me about your wings. They do not appear to be the norm for humans such as yourself.”

“Yeah, I’m a mutant,” he answered. “They grew out when I was a kid and all the other kids used to pick on me. Then I got mad. Then I got bigger and they don’t pick on me no more.”

“Double negative aside, I do like what you have. Boris, who is next?”

“This is a professional assassin and gunrunner named the Gun Nut.”

“Pleased to meet you.”

“I bet you didn’t think you’d see a woman, huh?” she asked with a lot of anger boiling in her throat.

“I am a disembodied brain in a jar, I make few assumptions. Males of your species are often physically stronger, but the females clearly show the technical prowess to accomplish anything they set themselves to. Many are also accomplished fighters as I have seen them engaging in such activities on your broadcast programs.”

“You bet,” she said with a satisfied smirk. “I’m the best shot in Asia and I haven’t yet found a man that I couldn’t outthink, outfight, or outshoot.”

“Gun Nut, I like your attitude. Clearly you are what I am looking for in a henchperson. Boris, who else do we have?”

Gun Nut stepped aside with an evil grin and punched Iron Butterfly in the shoulder as Boris stepped forward once again.

“And this is Apocalypto Pickle,” Boris said. “Explosives and electronics.”

“Interesting. Tell me about yourself. Why such an unusual name?”

“You got somethin’ about it, bub?” he growled while squinting at me. “I’ll just tell you one thing, if I can get into it, I can blow it up. And I can get into anything.”


I like these three that Boris unearthed for me. Each is clearly capable in their respective fields and each has issues that I can use to my advantage should the need arise.

“Consider yourselves hired. I only offer you the best wages that you could ask for. Of course, it would be up to you to steal these as I have little of or use for your Earth money. This works in your favor as I do not need a cut.”

“Yeah, that sounds good!” Iron Butterfly roared. The other two nodded in agreement.

“But first, I must see a true demonstration of your abilities. What could you do to Boris here?”

“What?” Boris wailed. “No!”

“Boris, why would you lie to me about Koma’s union plan when he clearly has one of the most infamous union henches under his employ?”

“What?” he sputtered. “No, it was a mistake! You gotta believe me. I’m not in the union!”

With a malicious grin, Iron Butterfly sent Boris sprawling from his crashing club.

“Of course you are not in the union. You must be employed for 90 days in order for the processing to go through. An annoying amount of red tape, for sure, but not something to die over is it?”

“I tried to—whulp!” he was sent sprawling again with a surprisingly nimble kick from Apocalypto Pickle. The diminutive green sapper followed up with a devastating uppercut.

“There was nothing you could have gained by your actions. I could see through your lies as easily as you could see my brain through this nutrient-filled jar.”

“Yeah but, I hadda get on the medical plan,” he begged from his knees. “I had a little somethin’ that needed to be cleared out, you know?”

“Ah yes, temptations of the flesh. You caught a disease after succumbing to your carnal desires and thought that working for me would get you medical help faster.”

“Yeah, you know,” he admitted through his wincing face. “I thought you’d help, you’re a doctor.”

“You are correct there. And it pains me to see you suffering now.”

A shot rang out and Boris slumped to the ground. I small hole and a trickle of blood appeared between his eyes. Behind his head, however, was a bit more gruesome.

“Why Gun Nut, you shot him.”

“Yeah, well you wanted to see what we were capable of, din’t you?” she answered with an evil leer. She then blew the smoke from the barrel of her firearm.

“Indeed I did, Gun Nut. Indeed I did.”

Monday, October 29, 2007

Recruitment drive.

Ha! I see the Terminartrixs' obsolete technology try to watch me as I walk into the Crime Alley bar. I take a little gift from grandmother out of my belt, and press the button and now all she can see is Majin Buu dancing.It's funny it's like she's trying to take over the world with an Atari 2600. I'd still hit it though.

The paper company guy isn't really a threat. The good thing is he doesn't know about my powers. Fine with me. The annoying brain is a little less annoying when you pour vodka into his mineral bath. Problem is he starts telling disturbing stories about camp.

The clone trooper, and the robot are funny. As for Magneto , he's a fruitcake as proven by the clown costume he runs around in. Back to business I scan the room as the other assassins from the league surround me.

" Master. Are you sure this is the place to recruit?" One asks.

" Yes relax." I respond. " Dregs of Crime Alley this is your chance to join the League of Assassins I am their master Bruce Cain. Now you can join. If you are not interested or skilled enough do not waste my time. "

This weird deformed headed guy came up. " Ya know The last leader of of your group was a Cain too. "

I glare at this nuisance. " Get to your point. "

" Well this girl was an agent of the Bat, only pretending to be evil. I think your not truly evil either. "

" Believe me. " I laugh. " Me and the Bat don't get along."

He points at my waist . " Yet you have a utility belt. You know what ya can do to prove your evil. " He pushes something furry into my face. " EAT THIS KITTEN!"

I punch this guy in the face, it collapses splattering his brains all over the floor. " Evil enough for you? Anyone else want to challenge me?" There are just some mumbles.

The first ones to meet us outside are odd. They are ninjas. Who used to work for the Shredder.they fight alright I guess they can be trained to be decent cannon fodder at least. What's more interesting is there stuff they told me.

" Master Sakai made us dress like turtles, and the girl's like April O'Neil , and then he'd make us strip slowly."

I put my hand up. "I don't need to hear anymore." Though Shred head's little perversions could be good for some blackmail if he ever wants to an obstacle to me.

The next one was some guy called "Alpha. " He looked at the way I moved, and smiled. " You are who you say you are."

" And how do you know?" I ask.

" I trained your mother. " To prove it. he took down the cannon fodder ninjas in three seconds.

" Welcome to the league." I smile. Next the worst candidate shows up. This guy who couldn't get out of his car.

The next one was well stupid. " I am The Kung Fu clown!" He fought pretty well but the clown thing doesn't say scary. It says " I work for Magneto! "

" Next!"

"I am next Cain!"

His power level is higher than most of the rabble here.

Free Image Hosting at www.ImageShack.us

I order the Mad Dog to fight him, and the Guy who calls himself "Evil Ryu. "challenges " No. I fight you."

He's good , better than I thought. It isn't often that I'm surprised. A human is making me sweat. The problem Is for him at least I can still read him. And as fast as he is I'm faster.

Tarzan shouts "They go so fast Tarzan no can see them!"

Ryu goes for some kind of Ki charged spin kick It only hits my after image I appear behind him and he fires a Blast yelling "Hai Do Ken!"

" Kamehameha!" I fire my energy at his.I can read from his body that was a feint he wanted me to fire the blast thinking I would stay in that stance. He leaps toward me power crackling along his fist. That's a mistake I can fly he cant. I let my blast destroy a Starbucks transform into a Super Saiyan and fly towards him punching him through a brick wall.

He gets out holding his arm and bleeding from his mouth and nose. "You.. Are a worthy master. "

" And your pretty tough to survive that punch ." I smirk "Your in."

I return to the tree house. This was a pretty productive day. Some cannon fodder, and some new members of my inner circle Alpha , and Evil Ryu join Mad Dog and the three blondes. Koma comes in. " Ah, I see you've already succeeded in your challenge Mr. 'Cain'. "

Challenge ? There was a challenge?

Challenge Number 1

Ok this the first Challenge. So we're going to make it an easy one. No-one will be eliminated in this round. However the prize of spending a week on The Plaza Station is still up for grabs.

What's the first thing a good Super-villain needs -

Buttler - A corporate strategy
Magneto - A costume to strike fear into the public
TX - To manipulate a certain government organisation into handing you world domination
Bruce Cain - A mysterious background, yet obvious if you look at my real last name.
AOC - Breakfast cause its the most important meal of the day.
Gyrobo - The corpse of JKF. I keep it my deep freeze.
Nemdork - Its simple you foolish wippersnaps. Assistance. Henchmen.

Wow! Nemonic's right.

Yes all good Super-villains need Henchmen, assistants, grunts, cannon fodder. Someone to do the heavy lifting and when your plan fails distract the hero while you make a hasty get away.

Your Challenge -
Recruit a bunch of Henchman and train them in the wonderful art of Henching.

Magneto - Can we give them matching costumes?

Yeah you can do that if you want Mag's. (steps away from the villain in pink)

So there you go. The deadline is Saturday 3rd of November. Get hiring.

Let the Evil commence!

Who wants to be a Super-villain is sponsored by Dr. Dooms Olde-Time Medicine.

Saturday, October 27, 2007

3 men and a brain

Log cabin Perhaps the title should be 3 brainless men and a brainless brain...

I was given a log cabin... Having a look inside I saw it wouldn't do...

So I would need to redecorate..

It wouldn't take long. Using my connection with the internet and computers I arranged for the items I needed to be delivered.

Before Long I had my cabin set up and I was ready to dominate... er spy on the villains...

Eliminate the competition and the world is yours... Er.. I mean a safer place...

I must make sure my real intentions are never discovered

It could be disastrous.

We were suppose to meet everyone in a lounge so I proceeded...

Magneto immediately approached me

Magneto: I was thinking it would be a good idea if we shared a room...

My response: I think not....

He continued and I slipped away to powder my nose... It works with carbonite females, so why not with me...

Synth-Lin stopped me and pointed, Mags was speaking to a a stool

Lin: I told him you turned yourself into a stool

I looked at her
My response: I haven't be able to do that since I merged with the Mutant and received bio-organs

Lin: Well perhaps he has been wearing that helmet too long..

My response: thanks sister

Then while planning my ..... plan... Writing Tony a love letter, rearrange the satellites for him as he has asked, directing the T 800 on a top secret job, monitoring this monitor for wanting to kill me I was approached...

It was Bennet... I tried to ignore him and his mindless chatter

The Brain came up to me... Bennet left and now I was being questioned by this thing...

My response: Incorrect... I am a combination of Skynet, the TX-ultimate and the mutant known as Dreamweaver.

Finally Brainy went to speak with Bennet again...

Then I was approached by a pimp dressed as an imperial solider actually he was a clone that thought he was a pimp...

He walked over slurred some words and then passed out

Koma: How much did he have?

Henchman: He was only drinking Milk

I glared at Cain he had been tagged and didn't seem happy about it...

I walked back over to Lin.

My response: Shame you couldn't get Seven here, then I would have had competition.

Friday, October 26, 2007

Mingling Madness

Koma and the gang showed all of us do-badders to the space lounge after we were all settled into our respective quarters. "Be fertile and multiply!" he said, opening the doors.

"Don't really multiply," Henchman said. "We only have so many camera crews."

Everyone made their way inside, talking, mingling, chit-chatting. Evil chit-chatting. Magneto, for some reason, was talking to a metal bar stool. That was fine by me, as I hope to avoid that particular villain. Metal is paper's worst enemy.

I first made eye contact with Gyrobo. "Hey, I remember you!" I said to him.

He replied with something about cheese pancakes and showed me an irrelevant sketch of a water cooler being attacked by a swarm of trident-wielding fleas.

"Is that the wife?" I asked.

"Ketchup on the bones. Go, go go!" he replied.

That was an interesting thought, but I felt the urge to mingle further. TX was sitting at the bar all alone. Sensing her loneliness, I approached.

(Note to Sandra: My only intentions were to mingle, in a totally non-sexual way.)

"So, time travel," I said, taking a seat beside her, "I hear it makes you naked."

"The time travel mechanism only transports the terminator unit. Apparel of any kind would be pointless as it would not make the journey."

"May be you should travel to a clothing store or something, instead of the middle of the street. Just some advice, you know, in case you ever do some important time traveling.

TX's eyes drifted behind me. I turned to see a brain in a pickle jar.

"Holy bottled cerebrum, Batman!" I said startled.

"Batman is not my moniker," the thing answered. "I am Dr. Nemonock, renowned psychologist and future winner of this competition."

"What happened to your body?" I asked.

"What body?"

"Uh...look behind you, a three-headed monkey!" I attempted to dart off as he turned, but instead he spouted some scientific mumbo jumbo about the nonexistence of three-headed monkeys. I left anyway, besides it seemed he had his eyes on TX, if he had eyes, that is.

Looking around at all these stupendously evil contestants, I realized I'd have to step up my game, reconnect with my old evil self. I had to ask myself, what would Primatech do?

Bag and tag!

I snuck up behind Bruce Cain as he was talking to a stormtrooper. I put my finger over my lips to signal "Shh!" to the cadet.

"Yep. Crazy, those Jedi," he said loudly, distracting my soon to be victim.

I hit Cain over the head with an industrial size stapler (all paper pushers carry them).

"Ouch," he said, turning around.

Now that he was unconscious, it was time to mark him for tracking. I took an index card out of my pocket and wrote on it, "Bruce Cain, Subject #0324-8, Power: None, Threat: None" and stapled it to his jacket.

"Hey!" he said, pulling at the card.

"Nice work," the stormtrooper said.

"You too," I replied. I quickly left the scene before Cain could realize what happened.

I took a seat in the corner with my old friend and enemy, Synth-Lin.

(Note to Sandra: Non-sexually! I swear!)

"Hey, Bennet," she said.

"Shhh!" I put my hand over her mouth. "It's Butler now. I'm on the run."

"From Professor X because of the ketchup incident on Last Gladiator Standing 2?"

"Ha! Yeah, right. I'm going to run from a paraplegic. Ha!"

Suddenly, that brain thing jumped out from nowhere! "A secondary encounter. How pleasant," it bantered.

"Ah!" I screamed as I ran away.

Nemonok: Getting "Comfortable"

“Sorry about having to put you in an outhouse,” the man apologized with a shrug. Then he got a wiff of the ramshackle building “Wow, does it smell in here!”

“Do not worry about it. I only need modest accommodations and the smell does not offend me as I can easily disengage my olfactory sensors. Say, what was your name again?”

“Oh, it’s Boris,” he answered.

“Interesting. I thought that there was another.”

“Yeah well there was Garry,” the man answered. “Funny thing is, we were down at one of the local watering holes having a few drinks and he was there just getting hammered and complaining how he gets no respect around here. Something must’ve really set him off or something. Next thing we know it, he jumped off the roof of the building.”

“Oh my. Is he dead?”

“No, but he broke almost every bone in his body,” Boris shrugged. “Funny thing was just a little while ago he said his life was turning around.”


“Yeah,” he nodded. “He just got a job here and he said he was getting back with his old lady. He was finally gonna be able to support her and the kid.”

“Now he cannot work, obviously. I hope he is being taken care of.”

“Naw that’s another thing. We tried to get health benefits, but Koma only keeps a couple of us on hand so we can’t get into a union.”

“How unfortunate. And this Koma that you work for, is he otherwise a decent fellow?”

“Yeah, I guess,” Boris shrugged. “He sure does like his work, though.”

“Indeed. How do you mean?”

“Well, onetime I remember being in his lab and talking on the phone and we was all like ‘Aw mom, I can’t come home for Christmas dinner, I have work to do.’”


“Yeah,” Boris chuckled. “Then he said ‘I don’t care, I’m staying here! My Synth-bots love me more than you do!’ Then he totally slammed the phone down.”

“On his own mother? How dreadful.”

“Yeah, well lots of us have problems with out parents,” Boris stated. “I guess that’s why a lot of us turn to a life of crime.”

“That is understandable. Is there anything else you wanted to tell me about your employer, Mr. Boris?”

“I dunno,” Boris replied. “Well, he does make fun of people’s names when he’s intimidated by them.”


“Oh yeah,” he smiled. “I remember once he was fighting this one X-Man and he called her Jerk-alee instead of her real name Jubilee. Then she totally kicked him in the shin. He was almost caught, but he had one of those escape pods nearby.”

“Fascinating. Boris, I want to say that I feel terrible for what happened to Garry and I don’t think you are being treated very well here, either. Worst thing is, I myself was awfully harsh on him when I first got here. I probably should have been nicer because as you know, those who live in glass jars shouldn’t throw stones.”

“Uh, yeah, right.” Boris looked a little confused.

“I see a lot of untapped potential in you, Boris. Stick with me and I’ll help you realize it.”

“Really?” The goon looked hopeful.

“Yes, of course I do not have any of your Earth money but I will pay you handsomely for your services nonetheless.”

“Really? You mean it?”

“Of course. I am a psychiatrist, would I ever steer you wrong?”

Magneto checks in

When I arrived at the lodgings Koma secured for this contest, I immediately asked the bell-hop which was the nicest suite. He gave me the room number and when I went to secure the room, I saw a tag had been placed on the door. It said AOC. The elevator doors slid open behind me. A tall man in white armor walked out. He appeared to be whistling Afternoon Delight.

"Are you AOC?" I asked, quickly ripping off the tag.

"Yeah," he answered, reaching out a hand. "How's it going?"

"Fine, thanks," I replied, shaking his offered hand. "I checked with the front desk and they tell me your room is actually just down the block, near the train tracks. Apparently Koma has secured some kind of deluxe three story unit just for you. You must be rather important."

"Oh?" he said, his voice beaming. "Well I am part of the largest most kick-ass army in the universe. I guess he's just placing it smart. Thanks!"

I quickly scratched out AOC's name on the tag and wrote my own.

If he's an example of my competition, this game should be easy.

Thursday, October 25, 2007

Welcome All

Ladies and Gents,

Welcome to "Who wants to be a Super-Villain". I am the number "Two" guy around here. Henchman 432. I am also a judge. I hope you all, find your living quarter to be suitable(*Snicker).

Reality shows, tend to bring the worst out of people. Lying,cheat,stealing and backstabbing. Thankfully, all of you should already have those fine qualities.

Once you are all settled. We will meet in the space lounge for drinks.

Dental for All.

M.O.D.O.K. sucks.

To The Extreme

I was called into Commander Cody’s office. He informed me that Senator Palpatine wanted me to go on another Game show. He seemed to think my performances on Last Gladiator Standing II and The Amazing Mutant Race III were great PR for the Republic. Palpatine also felt it might be good training for the future, what ever that means.

Commander Cody informs me that I have an hour to get ready and I will be off to “Who Wants To Be a Super Villain?” I didn’t pay much attention, due to the fact that this could mean another 10 weeks of not having to deal with Senator Ask Aak.

With in the hour I am on a transport for the show. I give the contact and description of the show a cursory glance, order a bourbon and take a nap.

As I land I am meet by a guy driving a Yugo, who takes me to the shows compound. The area is in a jungle, but I smell the sea not to far off. I am shown to my quarters.

container box

I decide to change in to my outfit for the show. Afterwords I go looking for Captain Koma and The Henchman to find out what the game plan is.

When I find the two of them, both stare at me and then The Henchman sputter exasperatedly “What the heck is up with your outfit? Dude you are really going off the deep end!”

trooper rapper 2

I am just getting into the shows theme. Is it too subtle?” I ask

Captain Koma snaps at me “And what kind of villain are you trying to be? “Gangsta Pimp?”

What are you yammering about Koma? I am just doing my best to hit the right note and make sure I am the greatest White Rapper in the universe.” I inform the stunned duo.

The Henchman shakes his head in disbelief. “
Tak, what do you think this show is? Did you read the contract and show description?”

Of course I did. This is “Who wants to be the next Vanilla Ice?” I smile

Captain Koma screams at me “No you freaking moron, Super Villain, not Vanilla Ice!!’ He turns to The Henchman, “I told you I didn’t want him on the show, but you were all But he’ll be great. He got such good rating on ARM 3 Blah Blah Blah.” Well he is your problem now.” Komo storms off.

The Henchman just keeps shaking his head.

I try to break the silence “So do I sing Ice Ice Baby now? I've been practicing my Running Man dance.

Settling in

So I go into the assigned tree house and find this weird dude hanging out in there. " This am Tarzan's house! You get out of Tarzan's place. " I never thought I'd run into to someone who talks worse than certain members of my family.

So I give "Tarzan" An offer he can't refuse. And he becomes my servant. OK Actually I beat him, and threatened his loved ones and then put him into slavery as my butler.

After Koma announces where we are a group from the League Of Assassins shows up, and asks how they can serve me. The guys I have do security. Some of the people here are creepy,(Deadpool, Magneto.) And I don't want them gawking at me.

Especially while I get served by three of my favorite assassins. They look like this.

I'm interrupted during the fun by one of my guards. " One who is all!"

I sigh. " What is it?"

" Master! We found this one watching your um "training session." it was Koma's Soccer coach.

I glare at him. " Now why would you dare to spy on us? let me guess it's been a while since you've seen a woman undressed hasn't it? Well these three women are highly trained killers. And me. Well I'm something else. "

" S-S-sorry Mr. Cain." He grovels.

" How fast can you run?"

He perks up " Do you want me to join your league?"

I Laugh for all of eight minutes. " No. I'm going to give you a head start of five minutes. Then I'll order these girls to go after you. If you make it to safety. you live if not they get to beat you up kill you whatever they want now go!"

I waited five seconds and sent them I never said I wasn't a liar. While watching the coach get smacked around I ordered the ape man to get me food. " And quickly Alfred!"

" Tarzan's Name is not Alfred it's Tarzan!
he protests.

" How do you like the name Jeeves?"

" Tarzan hate it!"

" Then now your name is Jeeves. Want to argue about it?" I crack my knuckles.

" No Sir." He skulks away.

This has turned out to be a nice little vacation. Ah life in paradise.

I'm Judging YOU!

That's right. I'm going to be judging every single one of you on every single aspect. If you're ugly I'll tell you you're ugly. If you're sexy like Gyrobo I'll demand to see you in the Judges quaters alone. If you aren't evil I shall suggest you join the power pack and move to antartica. If you incomptent I shall laugh because I'll probably think you said something else.


P.s. Gyrobo report to the Judges quaters with a grey wig immediately!

Tuesday, October 23, 2007

Welcome All

Welcome future lords and ladies of the universe....and welcome to MY GAME.

So if you want to get to know the place. Feel free to roam around.

Oh where are we you ask?

Well as you all know we are in a small but lovely pocket dimension set up in the lovely island of Sri Lanka. That is the Tamil Tigers controlled part of this lovely island.

Now you've all been assigned your own quarters each tailored to your own specific requirements.

Magneto -
A grass hut

Sky -
Log cabin

Gyrobo -
A Box

Dr Nemdork -
Out house

Bruce Cain -
Tree House

Mr Buttler -
Motel 8

Now I am the MAIN Host and all problems will be solved by me. This is MY GAME.

We also have a fine list of judges.

Henchy - My main number2 man. Mi amigo. He'll be heading the judging pannel.

Deadpool - Yes that wacky Merc with a mouth is going to be judging too. That is if can get his posts in on time.

And finally cause Gaia still hasn't said yes I've gotten in Lin.

Yeah I'm a bit worried too.

Of course there's Garry my old High School Soccer Captain, and the lovable but annoying Tattoo from fantasy island, and last but not least the Wrecking Crew.

Now the Judges are staying the lovely Plaza Galaxy Station, orbiting high above the planet in geosynchronous orbit. Staying here is your reward for winning the challenge.
So get to know the other suckers Ooops! Competitors we'll be starting soon.

Let the Evil Commence!

Monday, October 22, 2007

The trick of a good illusion

Sitting and watching TV, It was clear there was nothing on that I had not been able to download PirateFilms.com.
Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket
Tony has satellite with every station out there on it and would you believe it there was nothing on...

Nothing of interest, just reruns or things I had seen already. Wait! What is that...

I back up to see...

Hmmm a reality show... This could be interesting... I turn off the Tv and then realize Tony is standing behind me... I thought quickly...

My response: My Tony this could be trouble. Perhaps I should go and spy on this show.

Tony Stark (ironboy) nodded

Tony: Yes you are right, but SHIELD could use this as an opportunity. I know just who to contact. You try to get in...

So while Tony contacted someone in the CIA, I contacted the show... This could be the first step in world domination, after all the statistics is that 99.9999999 % of the world spends Most of there free time in front of the boobtube...

So I contacted Koma.. This should be easy... I just have to pretend to be an villain trying to be a good guy trying to pretend to be a bad guy.

The CIA agent was a villain anyhow. After my so called briefing I left Tony to head to where I would be staying. Of many of the things I calculated and anticipated.... there were a few surprises...

I entered to see the contestants...
I scanned the room... SCANNING......
Captain Koma
Gender: Male
super geek who let corporations and governments use him, creator of Synthoids
Believes himself to be Evil Genius
....Possible Host

Gender: Female
A Synthoid design to look like Lindsay Lohan.
My Adopted Sister

Gender: Male
Occupation: Mercenary
Possibly insane

Dr. Nemonok
Gender: Male
Occupation: Evil scientist
A psychiatrist turned evil
Galactor the Evil Galactic Overlord, decayed his physical body now he is a brain kept in a nutrient-rich jar.
Possibly related to Krang

Mr. Butler
Age: 45
Industry: Biotech
Real name Noah Bennet
Aliases Noah Butler
Occupation employee of Copy Kingdom
Former employee of Primatech Paper and The Company
Spouse Sandra Bennet
Children Claire Bennet (adopted daughter)
Lyle Bennet (son)

Possibly a wanna be villain

Industry: Biotech
Occupation: Henchman
Not good he hates me
Possibly the Judge

Oh no...

Magneto.... He has resurfaced...

There is no use in delaying the inevitable...

My response: Magneto
Magnet: what happened to my magneto
My response: I have a new lover, younger and he doesn't require Viagra

Before Magneto could reply, another contestant arrived...

My response: Bruce Cain Bri..

Bruce Cain's response: Let's keep my last name our little secret sweetness.

My response: I am not sweetness. I am Sky and I must terminate or subjugate humanity

Bruce: I got some ideas on how you can subjugate me.

He winks and walks away

My response: You need to wait in line

We are waiting to see who else will join

Magneto is back

As some of you may know, I was dead for a while. If you have any delusions that Hell might be a fun or interesting place, let me assure you that it is not. How can I describe to you just how horrible it truly is? Well if you've ever been to Hoboken, New Jersey, it's kind of like that, though the smell isn't as bad.

Obviously that place wasn't meant for me, so I came up with an elaborate and brilliant scheme to convince Mephisto to capture Jon the Intergalactic Gladiator and trade him to the Skrulls. It worked like a charm. A rescue team was dispatched to Hell.

Do-gooders always do things like that. Rescue each other. It was just an added bonus that the team was lead by that bald hippy, Xavier. I hitched a ride with their group and made it back to Earth.

Now I've decided it is time to reassert my presence. This show will be a vehicle for me to spread my awesome power and to let the world that now is the time to cower in fear!

Sunday, October 21, 2007

Darkness from Space

A ship of pure evil silently slid out of warp and aimed itself towards a small, insignificant third planet of a small, insignificant sun.

The craft slid through the atmosphere and aimed for its destination with a stealthy sleekness matched by few other ships in existence. The primitive sensors of the governments of this planet would never, could never find it.

Reaching the remote location, the craft slowed to a halt just a few feet above the terrain; with a malicious hiss, the landing struts dropped and settled into the ground.

Minutes passed.

Then with another evil hiss, a ramp dropped and dug into the ground. A shadowed silhouette appeared in the hatchway, paused for but a moment, then rolled forward down the ramp.

The contestant finally emerged into the light and showed itself. There was no body to speak of aside from a brain encased in a tank. Nutrients bubbled around the brain, sustaining the evil twisted mockery of a life of Dr. Nemonok.

His lord, the malevolent Galactor the Evil Galactic Overlord had sent this one to do his bidding on this game show. Nemonok, normally very adept at understanding his overlord’s plans, could not discern the ultimate goal of his participation here. Nemonok did know, however, that this was the home planet of one of Galactor’s greatest enemies and was satisfied with the opportunity to sow his own brand of evil on this pitiful planet.

A man stepped forward and gave a curt bow.

“You must be Dr. Nemonok,” he said. “May I take your bags, sir?”

“Young man, does it appear that I have a need for a suitcase? Even a Naldarian bloodworm with only half of its brain synapses active could easily tell that I do not wear clothes.”

“Yes sir.”

“You may have been captain of your sports team during your school years, but you are clearly out of your element now. How do you think that you will ever win back the love of your sweetheart by hauling the bags of beings far superior to you when you can’t even get that right?”

“Of course, sir,” the porter hung his head.

“Now please, run ahead and tell your masters of my arrival.”

“Yes sir,” the man, though clearly crushed by the analysis, nodded smartly and then turned and sprinted to deliver the message.

Horn-Rimmed Villainy

So, I glanced at the classifieds after reading Dilbert. Not that I was looking for anything particular, but I found it anyway.

Are you a frustrated clerk, or wage slave wanting to get revenge back at a world that has pigeon holed you into a dead-end existence?


Are you a geek or nerd who's had enough of being picked on by those who are more masculine and hirsute than you?

"Yes! Yes!"

Do want to stick it to the man?

"In a totally non-gay way! Yes!"

My manager knocked on the door and shouted, "No sex in the break room!" His annoyance only added to my desire to be a super-villain.

Ever since leaving the company, I found my life has been rather dull. Sure, I still try to keep things spicy. I maintain a relationship with an Indian geneticist/taxi driver and we've got a few secrets, but it just isn't the same.

According to the ad, by signing up for this reality game thing I could "travel the world, meet new people, make interesting enemies." That's just like what my life used to be like!

But am I villain? Do I have it in me? Sure, I was doing some horrible things back in the day, but that was just the job, ya know? I wasn't evil, I just had a good work ethic. Now, I guess shooting your boss in the head is a little unethical, but he was adamantly against casual Fridays. I say that's fair enough.

And so, I've moved on, away from villainy to a life of relative goodness. But goodness is so boring! It's like being on NBC. Where's the cutting-edge excitement?

"Right here," was the reply from Beekeeper man. I had the feeling I knew him from somewhere, but then I've met a lot of beekeepers in my day. The company employed them for our enhanced interrogation techniques. Nothing loosens the lips like a swarm up the Yin Yang.

I was impolitely shown to my quarters by a villainous bellhop. "Get in your room and keep quiet 'til you're called for." He held out his hand.

"Sorry, I don't tip."

"What do you mean you don't tip?"

I replied, "Watch Reservoir Dogs, you'll understand," and slammed the door in his face.

Ah, villainy! Sweet, tipless villainy!

The Mark of Cain

Being an assassin for hire, is pretty good, .You meet all kinds of hot women , and for the most part the only people that can afford my skills are slime bags who want to off other slime bags. Money's good. And no one really remarks about my obvious alien heritage. Usually my life in this time period is pretty good (I'm from the future forgot to mention that.)

But not today. No right now I get the fun of babysitting Damian AL Ghul Wayne The little psycho kid of Batman and Ra's AL Ghul's daughter. just because I'm his adopted nephew on Bats' side doesn't mean I want anything to do with the brat.

His body language confuses me ( One of my abilities. I can read most people like a book) But this kid is on too much sugar or something his body language is all spastic. At that momenta knife is thrown past my head.

I turn using my senses to feel out the life energy of my attacker. Looked like it wasn't an attack. A message is attached to the knife. " Bruce Cain you are invited to Who wants to be supervillian. "

There is some other stuff about where it is and all. Hmm. This could be somewhere to show case my skills , maybe get some work. If nothing else, I should get some kind of action from it.

So I stuff Damian into the dryer, and turn it on. Well he's survived the last three times I did that. Besides Talia Al Ghul is beautiful when she's angry. I leave a note for my grandfather ( My biological one. ) To where I was going to be, and left for here.

Not sure where here is I flew but was teleported here after getting to the address. All I know is that a bunch of losers calling themselves the "Wrecking Crew" are guarding the entrance. It was a long flight, and I really don't care to answer these idiots questions.

" Take my bags or get out of my way. " I tell them.

" Your nothing but a pipsqueak." Some guy with rancid breathe called the Wrecker shouts in my face. " You ain't no supervillan your a funny haired freak,and we're not letting you in. "

" OK. Pick a number between one and five." I answer.

One of them shouts " 2!"

" Ok Super saiyan 2 it is . "

I stat off off by kneeing Wrecker in family jewels This guy who calls himself Piledriver clumsily tried to punch me I keep dodging until he gives me a nice little opening I can exploit. A shot to his gut later he's down for the count.

This guy named Thunderball throws a wrecking ball at my face. I catch it, and crush in my hands. He intelligently backs off. Unlike his friend Bulldozer. Who actually tries to hit me with his head, I dodge him and trip him. Then when he tries to get up I slam my elbow into his helmet breaking it.

I pick up the leader "Wrecker" and burn my hand print with a into his chest little of my energy powers a little something I call the " The Mark of Cain. " I leave them alive , because no one's paying me to kill them and if they did with their skills an powers I'd have to charge about 50 bucks.

I meet Koma, and some guy in a beekeeper's outfit who said He "Didn't like who I reminded him of."

" I get that a lot. " I state. I look over at this hot blonde cyborg who's talking to this weirdo with a bucket on his head. She must be a cyborg of some type because I smell tech on her. And I sense electricity.

I say my hellos to her ignoring the Bucket headed man dressed in pink. She scans me And gets my my name somehow " Bruce Cain Bri.."

I put my hand up "Let's keep my last name our little secret sweetness."

" I am not sweetness. I am Sky and I must terminate or subjugate humanity. "

I smile " I got some ideas on how you can subjugate me." I wink and walk away.

I can tell old dude in pink isn't too thrilled with me. Like I care. I find my room.

I begin to meditate when I feel a presence. " I won't fight you Lady Shiva. So you might as well go somewhere else. "

" Your mother never revealed to you the the name of her mother did she?" Shiva grins.

" And you know who it is do you? Funny. We only met the once and you all the sudden know my heritage. "

" Yes time traveller I do know it quite well, and I want to see if you live up to that heritage. Which is why I had Koma invite you here let's just call it a test shall we?"

" What? You going to say you and Koma are lovers or something?" I try to rattle her she doesn't take the bait. She starts laughing for all of five minutes. She leaves still laughing.

Looks like my first day here is pretty eventful.

Thursday, October 18, 2007

Calling all villains

Are you a frustrated clerk, or wage slave wanting to get revenge back at a world that has pigeon holed you into a dead-end existance?

Are you a geek or nerd who's had enough of being picked on by those who are more masculine and hirsute than you?

Do want to stick it to the man?

Well then you should try the wonderful world of Super-villainry.

Make money tax-free.

Travel the world, meet new people, make interesting enemies.

Don't take my word for it here's Henchman432 -

"Before Koma became a super villain he got bossed around, beat on by the man and never got laid. No no longer.
With 3 easy steps you too can become a Super-Villain.
Send us 3 easy payments of $99.99 to I want to be a super-villain

** If you really want to join up and play e-mail Koma