Friday, December 21, 2007

AOC: End of the road

Well the day is done and it is time to head back to a galaxy a long time ago and far far away. I congratulate Dr. Mnemonic …. Uhhh Dr. Demonic , well the Brain in the Jar guy.

I leave China in the capable hands of Samantha. Who better to run a totalitarian communist/capitalist country? I think she will have the brains, will power and ruthlessness to oppress the people and pump out more lead tainted toy and other cheap crap. I just hope none of the old power structure tried to reclaim the land for themselves, she would slay them all and the streets would run with a different kind of red.

Gabby and his guys head off to make a living as re-enactors in Virginia. With the money they made as henchman they decided to get new old uniforms and make it more a hobby than a vocation.

As for me I think I learned a lot on this show. I learnd that….

henchy 2

“Tak, what ate you doing? You not going to make this a “Very Special
Blossom” moment are you? Cuz thats kinda girly. The only thing you learned was you got spanked by a Brain in Jar. I can’t believe that he even got more action thatn you did. Did I mention HE IS A BRAIN IN A JAR!!!!!” The Henchman smacks his own head in despair.

“If I was going to have a Very Special Blossom moment, that would make you Joey Lawrence. Right?” I ask

The Henchman just shakes his head and starts looking for the nearest bar.

As I was saying I learned a lot of things, but mostly I learned …..

Koma starts yelling at me. “Oy, Clone freak, did you learn to read the shows contract better. Because if you did you would see that the second place contestant has to clean up the mess the show left. So grab a broom and get to it.” He turns and leaves.

I look out over the island and harbor.

island trash

I really need to read those contracts better. On the other hand I guess that is why Koma is a evil genius.

Wednesday, December 19, 2007

Nemonok: I win

Dr. Nemonok rolls up onto the stage.

Nemonok: Ahem. Before I address everyone tonight, I have an announcement to make. Will the owner of the dull gray dropship tail number NX342 please move your vehicle, it is parked in a loading zone. Thank you.

Ladies, gentlemen, mutants, and criminals everywhere. I wanted to thank you from the bottom of my heart, er the bottom of my nutrient containment exchanger system for awarding me this great honor. By allowing me to win, you have of course declared the obvious that I am the most evil of them all. Thank you.

I would like to take this time to thank the gracious host, Captain Koma, for allowing me to participate today. Koma, you are a brilliant but petty, bitter man. If that’s what it takes for you to be evil, then by all means, roll with it, doctor.

I would also like to thank the judges, the Henchman and Deadpool. My good men, there is certainly room in my master, the malevolent dark lord Galactor the Evil Galactic Overlord’s organization for two men of your caliber. It is of course dangerous work, but the rewards are certainly worth it.

Lyn, it is unfortunate that your life has taken a turn like it has. I always found you to be a good looking and very competent actress. Hell, I loved you in Freaky Friday. It is too bad that you chose the path that you have.

Commander Oneida, I am not sure why you guest judged as you are clearly not evil. You do work for an evil government though, and I am proud to see you continue to serve them. Keep up the good work.

Army of (Cl)One, it was an honor besting you in the competition. You are a worthy champion in your own right and good luck to you at your new post guarding the detention center of the Death Star.

To my henches, you have served me well in this competition. You all deserve what is coming to you and I will address that before I leave.

(Music starts to play)

Bah, thank you everyone, I do feel super tonight. You hate me, you really hate me!

(Microphone cuts out)

Tuesday, December 18, 2007

What you've all been waiting for.

"And now your hostess with the mostest. Lin!" announces Deadpool.

I walk onto the stage, the music blares out "The Final Countdown."I get to the podium and look out at the audience of four.
No bother. Its an audience and I can work them like the best.

"Wasn't this the greatest Who wants to be Super Villain, ever!" I ask them.
"Hmm sort of." says the red robot.

"But wasn't this the first. We have nothing to compare it with." comments the gay guy in purple and pink.

Ugh! Oh well nothing to do but announce the winner and runner up.

"So onto the reason for this presentation the winner of the inaugural Who wants to be a Super Villain!" I shout expecting the four to cheer and applaud.

"Just give it to the brain in a jar and put me out of my misery." screams Tak.

"But Tak even I don't know who won. The e-mail votes have been kept secret until now." I tell him.

"You really mean there's hope I could have won?" he asks.

"Maybe." I tell him. "And the winner of Who wants to be a Super Villain by 13 votes to 9 is ......"
Dr Nemonock!

You are a Super Villain!

"And as our winner you get to have the certificate of ..... wining."

"And Tak we're so very sorry at your loss and we'd like to give you a certificate too."

"Ok thats all the time we have here. So goodbye and remember don't just try and be a villain. Be a Super Villain."

Monday, December 17, 2007

The final countdown

Well Its all over people. The votes are in and we do have a winner and a loser for the final.

So I'd like to take some time and delay the final decision and thank those who without their participation none of this would have happened.

Thanks without your help and encouragement none of this would have happened.

Not sure why I'm thanking you you but yeah thanks.

Its always great to have a guest judge to shake things up. You did real well. Its a pity we didn't get more people who were interested in playing along.

Thanks Lin. I think?

Of course none of this would have been possible without the suckers umm! players. Thanks a lot for loosing oops! playing.

So there is a result post coming soon.

Lin's doing that.


So tune in later this week for the final post in this the inaugural year of Who wants to be a Super Villain.


The network isn't doing this unless the viewers demand it.

Oh great!

Oh yeah with the paltry sum of money left over after Lin's rider cost us $2,ooo a day we've been able to get an act for the final show.

Here they are with their one hit wonder Europe and the Final Countdown.

Saturday, December 15, 2007

Time for everyone to decide.

Now its time for the audience to decide who won.
Of course we are going to have the usual on-line poll again.
But along with this, the past players of WWSV are invited to e-mail me their thoughts on who won the final round.

So who did win this round?

Nemonock with his highly ironic way of taking over China, with hawt chicks.

Or was it Tak. With his three course banquet of doom. Which came with a nice little song from the eighties as well.
Dinner and a show.

Please Vote NOW!!!!
Who is the winner?
Tak free polls

Nemonok: Power to the people

I’ve been involved with doomsday devices in my day. I have to admit that I’m not a big fan of them, if you kill everyone on the planet, there would be nobody left to psychoanalyze. Despite that, there’s a certain elegance to the totality of the doomsday device. If you’re going to destroy your planet, you can do it in style.

But what kind of a doomsday device should I use? There are many to choose from: cobalt bombs, planet eaters, hyperspace bombs, Death Stars, mass drivers, Trilithium torpedoes, NOVA bombs, Galactic Implosion Devices, Vogon Constructor Ships, ice-nine. The list goes on and on.

For this task, however, I need something tailor made for where we’ll be.

My henches and I flew to the People’s Republic of China in my Shadow Stealthship where I began to work immediately on something that would suit our needs.

“Hey Doctor, you got any shrimp?” Bob the Goon interrupted my work.

“Yes, there is a plate in the microwave.”

“I knew it!” Bob pulled a plate of breaded coconut shrimp from the oven and left the room munching happily.

“Are we gonna blow up the place?” Apocalypto Pickle asked as he watch me running computations. “I can make a big explosion.”

“Yes, an explosion would be nice, but not suitable to our needs right now.”

“Well, what’s it going to be?” Iron Butterfly asked.

“Something so destructively evil that even I am surprised that I thought of it.”

“Really,” Gun Nut sniffed snidely. “Few things you do surprise me.”

“It is finished. Now, let us pay a visit to the government.”

We flew to Beijing and easily broke into the office of President Hu Jintao, defeating his guards easily. We were fortunate that Premier Wen Jiabao was there as well as it would make this easier.

“Gentlemen, it is good to meet with you today.”

“What are you doing here?” the president demanded. “Who are you people?”

“Let me introduce myself, I am Dr. Nemonok and I would like to show you the one thing that will bring this country to its knees. The one thing that will bring you to your knees.”

“You are a fool,” Premier Wen Jiabao said. “You may have defeated the troops here, but you have the entire nation’s military to contend with now.”

“Do I?”

I activated the controls and the construct hummed to life. Shortly thereafter, shapely Chinese women began to emerge from it.

“What is that?” Hu Jintao demanded.

“Your new Chinese cloning facility. I engineered the clones myself, normally I stay away from the filthy abominations but in this instance, I couldn’t resist.”

“Well, they certainly are good looking,” Wen Jiabao leered.

“Yes, they are. Their genetic makeup has also been altered a bit. I isolated some of the unique characteristics of tribbles. These clones are designed to do little more than to eat and reproduce.”

“I wouldn’t mind helping them with the reproducing,” chuckled the premier.

“Oh of course not, but they will only reproduce women.”

“Only women?” asked the president. “We cannot have women overrun our country. We are so overpopulated already.”

“Indeed. It would soon be very difficult to handle another 1.3 billion, wouldn’t it? Feeding, educating, housing, and everything else. You would soon be stepping over the bodies of your dead.”

“You’re a madman!” yelled the premier.

“A madman am I? No no, I am just the disembodied brain of the galaxy’s greatest psychiatrist contained within a nutrient rich jar. Oh, and if necessary, I could turn up the cloning production a bit.”

“No, please don’t,” said that president. “What do you want?”

“Simple. Kneel before Dr. Nemonok.”


“Bow down to Dr. Nemonok.”

Begrudgingly, the two Chinese politicians dropped to their knees in front of me.

“Nice job, boss,” Iron Butterfly chuckled to me.

“Heh, I’ve done better.”

AOC: Rockin' China

I gather my team to review our Doom Machine options. Gabby reports first.

“Me and the boys went and raided Professor Von Steampunk’s base after that Jar Brain had him killed. I like his dirigible with Amberaloic ray guns, so we stole them. Got a fleet of 20.” Gabby smiles at the group.

steam punkairship

Samantha jumps up and shows what she developed.

cookie dough gun

“Is that a cookie dough gun?” I ask

Samantha grins, “Yes, it is. We have made them big enough to be mounted on the Dirigibles. We can cover a large city with cookie dough in 20 minutes.”

“Not bad ideas. I think we will use both of them in conjunction with mine. I call it the Duel Death Star!!!!!” I say with my best booming voice.


Samantha and gabby start coughing “coughFreudiancoughcompensatingcough mommyissuescough”

“Yeah it pretty stunning if I do say so my self” I beam back at them. “also we are going to tell how we took over china with a song. So get your bands together and let’s rock the mic!!!”

gabby band

sam homemusic

stor guatair

99 million Red Commie Goons
(sung badly to the tune of 99 Red Balloons)

We attack the red menace with all we got
Our doom machine are looking hot
We’ll set them free at the break of dawn
The politburo will soon be gone
Back at their base, the commies scare
Flashing message, something’s out there
The reds know something awry
99 million Red goons going to die

99 million red goons looking up in the sky
Panic bells, Army on alert
There’s something here from somewhere else
Commie war machine springs to life
Opens their eager eye
Focusing on the scary clone guy
Where 99 million red goons are going to die

99 decisions street, 99 ministers meet
To worry, worry, super fast
Call your troops so we can blast
This is what Tak’s waited for
This is it Samantha, this is war
President Hu Jintao on the line
His calls for peace, we decline
As 99 million red goons die

All the commie’s planes hit the air
Gabby bring his guns to bear
All the reds start to fall far
And are blasted by my Double Deathstar
The commies get cut like Darth Maul
Oh crap we blew up the great wall!!

Shanghai, Beijing and Hong Kong
All are dust and all are gone
The city of Harbin is below
4 million kilos of Cookie dough
All the Chinese leaders are dead
Samantha takes over making the toys of lead
Gabby and his men don’t want a thrown,
The just head off to the red light zone
And for Tak, his souvenir is now he is the new premiere
And here is the last red goon
Hhe is crying over this lame ass tune

Tak’s team gets to parade down the street
Cuz out mission is complete

Tuesday, December 11, 2007

Nemonok: A meeting of the minds

I had made it to the final two, and without winning any of these challenges, I might add. Interesting how the clone just got two wins in a row. If I were the paranoid type, I might accuse the judges of malfeasance, though I am sure that is not the case as it is apparent to me that they do not know the meaning of the word.

I am an evil mastermind, but I am also a gentleman (or a gentlebrain, as I have heard many times before), and as a gentleman, I will certainly congratulate Army of (Cl)one on his win and making the finals. As there is not better time than the present, I rolled my brain containment case right up next to him. He was busy working on some business or whatnot I do not know, it was of no concern of mine.

“Ahh!” he yelled. “Don’t sneak up on a guy like that! I coulda shot you.”

“Mr. Clone, congratulations on your second immunity and on making it to the finals.”

“Thanks,” he said warily. “Congratulations on making it to the final yourself.”

“Good luck on the final challenge as well.”

“Yeah,” he looked at me a little cockeyed. At least I am fairly sure that it was cockeyed, it’s hard to tell through that helmet. “Good luck to you, too.”

“Please, please, put yourself at ease. I am just here to congratulate you. We may be evil masterminds and in the middle of a fierce competition, but that doesn’t mean we can’t be gentlemen about it.”

“Yeah, or gentlebrain,” he replied.

“Yes, yes, I have heard that before. Anyway, very nice to see you.” Heh heh, I may be a mastermind, but this clone certainly has a long way to go before he could ever be anywhere near my league.

“Yes,” he replied. “Very nice to see you, too.”

“And I will be going.” I rolled my containment unit back slightly.

“And I will be going as well,” he replied and took a step back.

“Very well. Good day to you, sir.” I slid back another meter.

“And good day to you as well,” he replied as he took another step back.

“Unfortunately, I must get going. I have a doomsday device to make and all.” I slid back a bit more.

“As do I, as do I,” he replied and took another step back.

“So I will be off, then.”

“Me too.”

“Are you going to turn and walk away?”

“Maybe,” he replied suspiciously. “Are you?”

“Of course.”

“Then go ahead.”

“Very well, I shall.” I slid back a bit more.

“And so shall I,” he replied and took a step back.

“Ah, this is foolishness. Of course you are not going to shoot me in the back, I don’t have a back.”

“And you’re not going to shoot me in the back,” he answered. “You can’t carry a gun.”

“Of course.”

“Of course.”

“Well go ahead.”

“No, you go ahead.”

“Very well. Good day to you sir.” I quickly slid out of the room. The door glided closed behind me and I chuckled to myself maniacally. “Heh heh heh. He never suspected what I did to him.”

“Good day to you as well!” I heard him call out through the closed door. I thought that I heard him chuckle maniacally as well. It must have been the door sliding shut.

Monday, December 10, 2007

Le Finale - Thats The Final in french

Personally I can't believe its come down to you two idiots. Thank God I'm not voting.

Nemonock - Who is voting?

Tak - Yeah!

Well I will be requesting a vote from all of the players who didn't make it to the final round to e-mail me at for who they thought won as well as the usual online poll. So its the public plus the past players that decide who wins the next challenge.

Nemonock - That sounds like trickery. The public loves the clone cause he's a simpleton and an ignoramus.

Tak - Yeah I'm famous.

Lets stop this right now and get on with it.

The final challenge is .................................

Wait for it...........................................................

Build a Doomsday device and use it to take over China.
Same deadline as per usual (12am Sunday Morning New York time). You have to build the device, and use it to take over China. I don't care how you do it, just do it.

Remember those who were voted off and the public are going to decide the winner.

Who wants to be a super villain is proudly brought to you by Freaking Huge Clocks.
- If you want it big. Its got to be Freaking Huge! -

The verdict

Henchy had his head in his hands.
"Awww Nuts!" He screamed. Actually he said something other than Nuts but this is a PG show and we can't have that kind of language here.
"50 bucks Henchy pay up." says Lin. Holding her hand out eagerly.
"Rassafrassa loosing to a rassafrassa synthoid." He stuffs his hand into his pocket and pulls out the required amount. Lin snatches it away and begins a rather vulgar display of bad winning.
"I got Henchy's money.I got Henchy's money.I got Henchy's money." she sings while skipping out of the room.

"I can't believe that Bennet er, Buttler lost." complains Henchy.

"Neither can I." I reply. "I thought Nemonock was going down. But all of the sudden there were all these votes. I've been able to trace them to a Washington account. Under the name of P.N.Guin."

"That's got to be a fake name." questions Henchy.

"No its real. It all checks out." I tell him.

Mr Buttler.

You are not a Super Villain

What Lin bought with her winnings -
She calls it her Henchy Bike

Sunday, December 9, 2007

The semi final - The vote


I remember how this feels.

You've been coasting through the rounds and doing well then you reach the semi-final. And you don't get immunity.


So now we have to decide between a brain in a jar and a guy with glasses.

Get to it!
Who leaves?
Mr Buttler free polls

Semi Final - I hate you all.

"Lin your judging the semi-final." Koma tells me. "And this time I want you to be sober for it."
"Meh!" I reply.
"Lin promise me you'll be sober or I'll set your perkiness on cheerleader." he threatens. It wasn't an idle threat. Koma doesn't make threats that he wont carry out. And since I found out how to be cool and got me a cool posse I got a reputation to keep. I can't be all bubbly and perky again. I tell the "ex" I'll be sober. He's easily placated.

To prepare for the judging I go and play my favourite video game.

Gingerbread Woman.
Its so cool. You get to play as Ginger Bread woman and beat up all these guys. Its so good for getting out my frustration.

Well after all of that I decided to read these attempts at destroying christmas.

Nemonock - Brains of Endearment. The story of a homicidal Sinéad O'Connor freak and her unrequited love for a brain in jar. Also somewhere in there was a plan to have the USA wage war on Santa Claus and Christmas. Dick Cheney should be the Penguin in a Batman movie one day. Its prefect casting but I'm just waiting for Gun Nut to come to her senses and realise that your just another manipulative man. Its just that you lack the proper equipment to really satisfy a women.

Oh I meant a heart. You sick pervs thought I was meaning his penis. Weren't you?

Mr Buttler - Hmmm! I think many right wing Christians would be quite aghast at your tenure as Pope. Well they always said the Pope was the anti-christ, but I doubt your truly evil enough to go through with it. I mean there's still an X-mas. Ugh! Talk about cop out city. I was expecting this to go somewhere. Then again what do you expect from a character that exists in a show where something might happen once every fifth episode. Careful there Mr Buttler you almost had something happen.

Tak - Everyones favourite Imperial Storm-trooper. Your hench-people have way too much control in your organistation so I'd be watching your back. Despite this you managed to get Santa killed and an LA gang blamed for his death.

So I give the final immunity to Tak.

Ha! Eat that.

I'm going back to playing Ginger bread Woman.

Saturday, December 8, 2007

AOC: Koma Christmas Deathwish

“So who is this Santa guy that Koma wants killed?” I ask my Hench squad.

Both look at me a little surprised.

Hello, from a different Galaxy! Don’t know all the local dignitaries. Jeez peole throw me a Frinckin’ bone or something.” I glare

Gabby starts in “Well boss, Sandy Clause is the guy who bring all the presents at Christmas time. He dresses in red, sneaks down the chimney and leaves Christmas gifts.”

Does everyone get gifts?” I ask

Oh no," Chimes in Samantha. “only the people on the nice list. If you are on the naughty list then you get a lump of coal or some lame thing. The good thing is if you are nice you can write Santa a letter and ask for a specific gift.”

That must be why Koma hates him. I can’t see Koma being on the Nice list.

And he does this on “Christmas”? What is Christmas?” I inquire some more.

It the holiday that about 1/6th of the planet celebrates to honor the birth of their God. Well his son, but it is him also. It all get a little confusing, so most of us don’t think about it too much.” Gabby tells me.

Well that is weird. What does that guy in the red suit have to do with all of that?” I ask

Don’t start asking that,” Samantha tells me,” you’ll just upset Bill O’Riley and Rush Limbaugh and get them all riled up about the war on Christmas.”

Cool. You guys have a war on Christmas. That is a really weird way to celebrate the birth of a God, but hey who am I to knock other cultures.” I smile at the two of them.

The both have that look on their face again.

Well, back to the task at hand. Let me see if I have the basic facts. 1) Santa wears red 2) Santa goes to house on his “nice” list 3) he deliver presents that you asked for. Do I have all that right?” I ask my Hench squad.

They both nod yes.

Ok then, Gabby I need you to find the an address for this organization.” I had him a piece of paper. “And Samantha I need you to see if you can Slice into …. I mean hack into Santa’s Nice list and put this name and the address Gabby gives you. Also the present you should put down for this person is an Uzi.”

They both look a little stunned, but jump in to action.

On Christmas morning I wake up my Hench Squad and flip on the news.

Today we have a tragic story to report. In South Central Los Angles last night a man dressed as Santa broke into the headquarters of the CRISP gang, carrying a Uzi. Apparently the 35 member of the CRISP gang though he was a member of the Aryan Nation trying to disguise himself as a member of the North side Bloods. He was shot 183 time.

santa gun

other news Jon the Intergalactic Gladiator surged ahead in the Iowa…..

I turn the TV off, hand Gabby and Samantha Christmas presents and head to the kitchen for some hot coco.


Mission Six: X-Mas

The challenge was on to destroy Christmas. I began to doubt my own commitment to being a super villain. Sure, I shot the Pope and even kidnapped Jane Fonda forcing her to treadmill for eternity. But now we're talking about going up against Santa. Even super villains should have the decency not to mess with the Fat Man.

I decided the easiest way to destroy Christmas would be to attack its source: Jerry Christ.

"Jesus Christ," The Haitian corrected.

"Right. Jesus Christ. To the Vatican!"

I put on my big hat and gathered the cardinals together.

"Ladies and gentlemen," I began.

"There are no ladies here," Cardinal Jim spoke out.

"Oh, good," I replied and let out my gut. It really strains the intestines sucking it all in. "I've called you here today for an emergency meeting about Christmas. We have to destroy it, and only we have that power."

The Cardinals applauded. "For years," Cardinal Jim said, "we have been forced to compete with St. Nicholas. We even tried revoking his sainthood. Christmas should be our holiday, it's about Christ, our lord, and it's about time we take it back!"

"Exactly. It is is about Christ, your lord. But taking it back won't work. We have to get rid of it completely. So, we need to rid this Jesus guy from Christianity."

"But," said Cardinal Cassius, "he is the secret ingredient in our Eucharist bread!"

"And the foundation of Christianity," Cardinal Jim added.

"Then we'll need to find a new secret ingredient."

I called up my good friend and mortal enemy, Professor X.

"Hey, Charles. Find some reindeer and attach to your wheelchair. Have the mutants make a lot of toys and deliver them to the nice children on December 25th."

"Who is this?" he replied.

I knew it was sarcasm. His telepathic abilities should have identified me, even over an iPhone. "I know you know it's me!" I replied.

"But do you know that I know you know I know it's you?"

He was clearly drunk. "Can you help me or not?"

"I'm leaning toward not," he replied.

Could a man in a wheelchair lean?

He continued, "After the ketchup incident, why should I?"

"Because Christians deny evolution, and now is your chance to show them the truth!"

"Their ignorance does not affect me. I have my own school for the gifted where I teach evolution first hand."

"Well," I thought hard. "What about all the good kids that are going to miss out on Santa this year?"

"Miss out? Why?"

"The President bombed the North Pole. Santa's awaiting trial and will likely be hanged."

This seemed to strike a nerve with the pedophile...uh, I mean paraplegic. He paused, obviously thinking about the little ones.

"Yes, I am thinking about the little ones," he said. "I'd hate to see them go without their toys. I'll do it."

The X-Men all started working hard on restoring what the Bush Administration destroyed. Hopefully they can do a better job than the Democrats.

"Sir," The Haitian said to me, "how exactly is this evil? And for that matter, doesn't it do the opposite of what the challenge called for?"

He was right of course, but I couldn't show incompetence in front of my minions. That was Wonka's mistake, and now he's wearing concrete shoes at the bottom of the chocolate river. I quickly thought up a new and devious plan. "I have a new and devious plan," I replied to the man from Haiti. "Let the X-Men restore Christmas. We'll switch the nice and naughty list. The good kids will get nothing but coal, except for the good, poor, cold kids. Coal would be a good thing for them. We'll give them ice instead. And the naughty, well they'll get all the greatest gadgets our corporate world has to offer!"

With a sinister smile, and using anti-telepathic techniques the company taught me, I handed Professor X the revised lists. He flew off the roof to unknowingly do my bidding.

Goodbye Christmas, Hello X-Mas.