So, I glanced at the classifieds after reading Dilbert. Not that I was looking for anything particular, but I found it anyway.
Are you a frustrated clerk, or wage slave wanting to get revenge back at a world that has pigeon holed you into a dead-end existence?
Are you a geek or nerd who's had enough of being picked on by those who are more masculine and hirsute than you?
Do want to stick it to the man?
"In a totally non-gay way! Yes!"
My manager knocked on the door and shouted, "No sex in the break room!" His annoyance only added to my desire to be a super-villain.
Ever since leaving the company, I found my life has been rather dull. Sure, I still try to keep things spicy. I maintain a relationship with an Indian geneticist/taxi driver and we've got a few secrets, but it just isn't the same.
According to the ad, by signing up for this reality game thing I could "travel the world, meet new people, make interesting enemies." That's just like what my life used to be like!
But am I villain? Do I have it in me? Sure, I was doing some horrible things back in the day, but that was just the job, ya know? I wasn't evil, I just had a good work ethic. Now, I guess shooting your boss in the head is a little unethical, but he was adamantly against casual Fridays. I say that's fair enough.
And so, I've moved on, away from villainy to a life of relative goodness. But goodness is so boring! It's like being on NBC. Where's the cutting-edge excitement?
"Right here," was the reply from Beekeeper man. I had the feeling I knew him from somewhere, but then I've met a lot of beekeepers in my day. The company employed them for our enhanced interrogation techniques. Nothing loosens the lips like a swarm up the Yin Yang.
I was impolitely shown to my quarters by a villainous bellhop. "Get in your room and keep quiet 'til you're called for." He held out his hand.
"Sorry, I don't tip."
"What do you mean you don't tip?"
I replied, "Watch Reservoir Dogs, you'll understand," and slammed the door in his face.
Ah, villainy! Sweet, tipless villainy!