Friday, November 30, 2007

AOC: Robots & Coffee & Lt. Cmdr ... Oh My

“Tak …. Tak are you in here?” the Lt. Cmdr voice drifted into my office.

I jumped to attention and let her know where I was. She walked in to the room looking stunning in a casual outfit.

Lt. cmdr

“Tak, I just wanted to say hi. I haven’t seen you in a bit. I this is soooo cool I get to be a judge. I like judging you!” she purred

I pull off my helmet and smile debonairly at her.




“Yes, Lt Cmdr?”

“Tak, can I come closer and tell you something”

“Yes” I say breathlessly. I feel like I am shaking.

“TAK!!!!!!! Wake up!! And why in tarnation do you keep saying yes? And did you know you are drooling all over the evil robot plans?” Gabby says shaking me.

I look over the robot plans that have been submitted by the top R&D people at Starbucks. They enter the room to await my questions.

The first robot doesn’t look like much.

coffee robot1

“So what is so evil about this robot?” I ask

Faceless Starbuck R&D guy # 1 starts talking. “This is the auto barista T-800. We could put it in all the Starbuck and we would never need human barista again!” he attempts an evil cackle, but ends up coughing.

“While the thought of out of work barista spending their day in search of other meaningless work is appealing to me, it is not very evil in the long run.” I tell him. Dejected he leaves the office.

R&D guy # 2 steps up and unveils his evil robot.


R&D guy # 2 jumps right in, “As you can see this is an improvement on the T-800. It will displace barista and it can sing a happy sappy song that customer will not be able to get out of their heads. The only thing that can stop the pain of the song is more Tak’s Coffee. The song choice is between My Hump or You Are The Wind Beneath My Wings.”

I nod to Gabby, who cold-cock R&D guy #2 and drags him off to a cell. That kind of evil cannot be released on this planet.

Samantha walks in. “Boss, I have been working on the robots, using the starting point of the Starbuck R&D guys. I think I have come up with a evil robot that can also make us money.”

“You have robot making skills?” I scoff lightly

“Yes, I do. Using the knowledge I have gained through my merit badges on Atomic Energy, Electronic, and entrepreneurship I think I have a great plan.” She scoffs right back at me.

eltronic merti badge
atomic engery badge

Samantha’s Robot comes into the room.

coffe robot 3

“So the plan is basic. We use Robot Terror at the coffees shops. Customers will be intrigued by the newness of the Robots and would come anyway due to being addictied to Tak’s Coffee. On every third or fourth customer the robots will “accidentally” spill coffee on them. We will claim it is a software flaw caused by Microsoft and are working on the problem.”

“I speak up. “Samantha, while I like the idea of spilling hot coffee on Yuppies and Soccer Moms, does it measure up to being evil?”

“But that is where we end up making money, because where ever we have a Starbucks, we will be opening one of these. I have already leased over 300 spaces.” She say as she drops a picture on my desk.

taks dry cleaners

Brilliantly Evil. I love this stuff. I give Samantha and Gabby the go sign.


Dr. Nemonok said...

An evil dry cleaner? Why didn't I think of that?

I would slap my forehead right now if I had both a hand and forehead.

captain koma said...

Coffee is an evil drink, your organisation sells it, and now your robots serve it.

Not sure if this is evil enough.

Stop drooling over the judge.

Your a clone and she's a leiutenant commander. Its never going to happen.

There I said it.

Gyrobo said...

Microsoft Coffee© stunts your growth.

I've never had any of that and I'm over eight feet tall. What does that tell you?

Mr. Butler said...

My Doombot can beat up your Doombot!

A Army Of (Cl)One said...

Mr. Butler: it might, but then you will have to visit a dry cleaners and I will become rich. *insert evil laugh here*