And the Team did well, very well. Why? Simple, the most important factor of any good sports team: cheerleaders. How could anyone expect to throw a ball without feeling the rush of spirit provided by bouncing pom-poms and enemy-crushing rhymes? It can't be argued that the best in the business are the beautiful ladies in blue and white.
Now...how do I acquire these women? It was a familiar task. I was reminded of my high school years, all that time wasted in a futile pursuit of unobtainable women. If only I had my Haitian back then.
Luckily, I have him now. Every good super-villain needs an upper-tier henchman, and with the power to suck memories from people's minds, The Haitian makes a pretty good squad leader. I quickly put him to good use on this challenge. After all, delegation is the reason for henchmen in the first place.
"Go find Jerry Jones," I ordered him. "Bag him, tag him, bring him to me."
The Haitian left. While he was gone, I ordered take-out and watched The Rocky Horror Picture Show. Finally, The Haitian arrived with a duffel bag. He tossed it onto the floor and said, "Here he is."
I unzipped the duffel bag, and out popped the meanest oil man I've ever met.
"What the Hell is going on here?" he asked in a flustered fit of rage.
"Look here, Jerry. You deserve far worse treatment for firing Tom Landry, but I'm willing to let you off easy with a simple deal."
"What kind of deal?"
"I want your cheerleaders."
"In what capacity?"
"Full capacity. For as long as I need them."
"I'm no pimp," he stated and attempted to walk away. The Haitian stepped in front of him.
"Now, now," I said, "I know you're no pimp, but you're a business man. I can pay you handsomely."
"I'm listening." I could see the dollar signs in his eyes.
After some tough negotiating, I got him to call up the girls and get them headed out here. As for the payment, he talked me up to $3.5 billion and seven color copiers. I decided to let The Haitian handle his "payment".
The girls arrived, and were disappointed by the Motel 8. I've never known Texas girls to be so picky. I quickly got them motivated by explaining the complexities and importance of the paper business. They were ready to bag and tag.