A sleepy town
‘It was like you thought Boss, “Gabby starts, “Quite little town with a big park right across from the bank.”
“The Bank will be a push over.” Samantha tells me “no real guard, antiquated alarm system, computer as old as Gabby. And the people are suckers. I sold over $200.00 work of cookies to some whiny lady and here even whinier teen-age daughter."
But what about feeling fresh, mom?
"They must have some lame fight over their respective relationships. Which must be going badly by the way, cuz no one who is happy buys that many Thin Mint and Tagalogs.” She makes a binge and purge mimicking.
Gabby and I both just stare at her. “What?” she glares back “I am able to read people easily: psychology of marketing merit badge.”
“Well OK then. Let get to the plan.” I say “Gabby, you and the gezzer patrol will set up in the park and do a civil war re-enactment show for the town folks. You be playing the part of the Connecticut 3rd Regiment Infantry….”
“Weren’t they out of New Haven?” Gabby asks “Is Star Hollow even near New Haven.”
“Ok, Gabby you guys can be the Connecticut 6th Regiment Infantry ….”
“But they were out of Hartford. Are we anywhere near Hartford?” Gabby asks again.
“I don’t know. Just pretend to be some fracking group of civil war soldiers. If anyone starts asking too may questions then have Samantha groups step in and start trying to sell them cookies.” I bark. “Now Samantha you have to have a few Girl Scouts outside the bank to distract the local law. Just be cute and make them buy the cookies.”
“And what are you going to do?” they both ask me
“Don’t worry I have a plan and a way to look just like everyone else here” I let them know.
AOC: Blending in
20 minutes later I am in the bank talking to the bank manager.
“… and as you can see the bonds have been secured by Citbank vast holding of home equity mortgages. The profit margin is expected to out strip any capital outlays by your bank … of course, you can have another snicker doodle cookie … any worries about supposed problems in the aforementioned markets has not touched the town of Star Hollow, in fact this place seem recession proof, as Luke stays in business *I laugh heartily* But as I was saying …. What, no I don’t have any milk. But we can head over to Luke’s place and get some right after we work out this agreement …”
Another 20 minutes and 3 boxes of snicker doodles later I am walking out of the bank with a cashiers check for $5.8 million. I hear the town’s people owwwing and awing over Gabby’s Reenactment and the Girl Scouts are selling to the emotionally depressed people of Star Hollow.
Then I hear a voice boom “Stop right there you evil villain”
Crap! How did I end up in a mall?
I stare in disbelief. The spidytrooper laughs “So we meet again my old friend!”
“What?!?!?!?!”
The freak quickly webs me and flings me to the nearest lamp post.
Again, WHAT?!?!?!?!?!
Gabby and Samantha see web slinging trooper and attack. Gabby has his re-enactors load live ammo and start shooting at the friendly neighborhood spidytrooper. As he leaps put of the way, Samantha flings a Thin Mint ninja style. It cuts the web holding me. I drop tp the ground and we all run for it, while Webhead is dodging cookies and bullets.
As we leave the idyllic town of Star Hollow, Samantha lets out a war whoop “We sold over $1,700.00 worth of cookies!!!!!”
6 comments:
On very rare occasion, I do miss my body. When I think about how my tongue will never touch a Somoa again is one of them.
Spider-Trooper
Spider-Trooper
He's a real bad goober-smoocher
Is he a clone of Jango Fett
No he's just a nerdy kid
Who thought;
It'd be cool to mix up
His two big bad obsessions
His mother's still got depression
Watch out for Spider-Trooper
take the money and run.... spidy trooper I think needs an explanation :P
love the car dude
Justice: I think the explaination for Spidy trooper is that a storm trooper was workin late in a lab one night and a radioactive spider got loose ....
You're playing into the thin-mint/shuriken conspiracy.
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