AOC: Taking over, one cup at a time.

Samantha stamped her feet, “Well if you have a better plan, then let me know!, but I think taking over the Hello Kitty store is a great idea. Better than Gabby wanting to infiltrate the evil leftist of Hollywood!” She shrieked.


WHY DO HENCHMEN ARGUE? WHY DO DOVES CRY?

“Well what in tarnatin is so gumdang evil about Hello Kitty any how!” Gabby barked back.

We had been going over different plans to take over an evil empire for the past two days, living on nothing but takeout and Starbucks coffee (note to self: do not let 11 year old evil girlscouts have a triple Carmel maccacitos.)

“OK team, let just clam down a bit. I think it is our nerves or the coffee making us so jumpy …..” the words trail off as all three of us look at each other then say as one, “That’s it!! We will take over Starbucks.”

It is a great idea. Really have you seen what they charge for coffee and the fact that everyone seems to pay for it without a second thought. So we quickly implemented a plan.

STEP 1:
Open a successful locally owned coffee shop that is beloved.


TAK’S COFFEE: LOCALLY OWNED SINCE TUESDAY.

We don’t have time to build a real customer base, so I have to load the coffee with tasteless nicotine, 5X the regular amounts of caffeine, heroin and that stuff at the center of a tootsie pop.


NOW THAT A GOOD CUPPA OF JOE

STEP 2:
Within a day we have crowds of people clamoring for the wholesome goodness of Tak’s Coffee.


I DON’T CARE IF YOU ARE COLD, I NEED SOME FRACKING TAK’S COFFEE!!!!

The coffee so good that we even draw the hardest to find celebrities.


HE WANTED TWO TOWERING CUPS OF TAK’S COFFEE


STEP 3:
By Friday the entire Starbuck’s board of directors came to make an offer on Tak’s Coffee and threaten to open up 17 Starbucks within a block of out shop. After just three cups of Tak’s coffee, two of the board member began to think they were at Woodstock again and the rest voted to merge with Tak’s coffee. Gabby was made CEO, as my figurehead.

We kept the Starbuck’s name, made another $7 million and by Saturday have a new corporate spokesman.


WHAT WOULD JESUS DRINK?

It was a long week.